Pain again from pears....

I read the blog of the one who hurt me a while back and I realized all of a sudden that I am still in a hateful mood towards them. How could they hurt me so? It is my immediate reaction to want to hurt them back and make them feel the deep pain they have caused me. His birthday is coming up and I had contemplated sending him a card and now I feel in my head I have shredded any hope of that....I feel angry and furious actually. WHY!?!?? Why must these things happen to us? Why did that person have to die? Why oh why? Why did I have to meet them and why did they have to pursue me and why did I have to fall in love with them and why? Why didn't they tell me and why did I give part of myself or I was willing to give all of myself to someone that unknowingly would wad it up in a ball and throw it in the trash. Why? I still ponder why, I know God you have purpose in all things and this may be something to make me more compassionate but it doesn't take away the pain. I feel my wound has been bandaged all this time and I would try to make light of it as I never had to look at the open wound every day and now I have taken off the bandages and see it again after so many weeks. It begins to hurt all over again....but then does that mean its in my head that it hurts or that I have just been busy and have not felt the full pain of it all? Whichever it is, I am in pain now and I feel crushed again.

Curithers, can there ever be an end to this? Will I ever be able to talk to him again without feeling like I am going to vomit from pain?

My love, it does take time, like all things, you need to greive.....its okay to be angry right now. The sadness is gone and now the anger has come, it is all a part of it. Take care my dear and know there is a reason and you will be a stronger person because of it.